Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Christmas Mindset

When I was a child, setting up for Christmas was always such an ordeal. It seemed to take a lifetime to pull our ornaments, lights and stockings down from the attic. I'd look at each delicate bulb and decoration and put it around the house with care. My heart would flutter just thinking about the morning of the 25th. Pancakes for breakfast and a tall glass of orange juice-- not to mention dozens of gifts scattered around the living room floor.

This year, we've been rather lackadaisical in our celebrating. Between school and work and worrying about school and work, we've sort of fallen into our own worlds. It's been a challenge keeping daily life in order, so throw in a massive holiday of joy and consumerism and the red lights start flashing (and not the blinking kind on the tree). Although my path is being laid out and I'm enjoying senior year, ready for a much awaited and earned senior spring, I still feel like I'm rapidly treading to stay above water.

Where's my Christmas mindset? Where's my joy? I don't know, but I'm on a mission to find it. I haven't even had the energy to bake dozens of cookies and listen to carols in my kitchen. Maybe later tonight I'll whip out the sugar and eggs and beat some joy into a batch of gingerbread men. All I know is that right now, there are two things that sound pleasing: taking a nap (I woke up an hour ago) or three shots of espresso. Maybe I'll run out for a holiday treat at Starbucks. Or maybe I'll just fall asleep by my half-decorated Christmas tree.

Wish me luck on my mission to find spirit and joy. It's gotta be out there somewhere; I'm just too tired to see it.

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