numb fingers

 She plays these keys like others play the piano. They are her instrument. They are her soul. Her keys patter late into the night. Listening to slow jazz music. Que Sera. Incense burns. Thoughts wander to the sun. Will it rise? How will the coffee smell this morning? Strong? Most likely.

She pours her soul onto these keys. She can’t play a piano. Can’t sing her heart out. Breaks glasses when she does. So she spells out the emotions. She puts them into print. Twelve point font on a white page. Therapy. Or something less expensive. She can write haikus-- stories-- note cards-- explaining the feeling. Giving meaning.



The keys move faster. Her fingers quicken. She's making progress here as she makes her way down the page. Learning something about fear. About faith. About progress. About movement. About stopping when the sentence is over. About stopping before its over. About making cuts. Trims. Necessary adjustments that seemed fitting. Seamed fitting.

What a fool one has to be,
To think that things wouldn't change.
To think that she is smarter
Than she seems.
To think that the real world

Would merge with her dreams.

To think that things were just

as they seemed.

Her hands can’t hold on. It’s too cold. She’s got no gloves on, and her nails are turning white. So she sticks them in her pockets and walks home. alone. Gives a smile and a cold shoulder to the shadows of her past. She has the strength. She knows some things just don't last.

Awakening

         Here's a quote I found from StoryPeople, that I think really describes today's date in history.

In those days,
we finally chose
to walk like giants
& hold the world
in arms grown strong with love
& there may be many things we forget
in the days to come,
but this will not be one of them.

         I was eight when the Twin Towers were ambushed on 9/11/2001. Third graders don't usually receive too much in the way of current events, let alone terrorists. But this day mattered. I remember one girl complaining that she had to leave school; I was a bit confused myself, though relieved that my mom came in the middle of gym class. 

         She walked me and my brother home from our tiny school on the hill. We walked the mile distance, kicking rocks and staring up at the blue, completely cloudless, completely plane-less sky. Then we played baseball in the front yard. The sun shone so brightly. I breathed crisp air as I pitched a wiffle-ball to my five year old brother, who had even less of an idea than I did about the fate of the world. And rightly so.
         My mom kept running in to check the TV,  I suppose. This wasn't the norm in our family; I still can't think of a time when my mother sat down to deliberately watch a news program. I couldn't comprehend why my favorite shows were replaced with horrified newscasters. I didn't understand that the fall of those two buildings represented the attack of our entire country, of my home in small-town Connecticut, of the values we have been fed, on the independence we gained. 

         I can't remember it clearly, but they must have explained something to me on that day, in their protective, parenting way. What a task adults must have faced, trying to convey the gravity, while not scaring their children, or bursting into tears themselves. My heart breaks for those who lost their parents and loved ones in the crash. To be a victim of a problem so huge, so much larger than any individual, that's a tragedy.

         When I read quotations from those who were there, who saw it happen, I don't even know what to feel. Some kind of melancholy sickness, wrapped with a small layer of hope knowing that, although so many lost their lives, so many survived. The New York Times has an interactive page, where people can share where they were and what they thought. It helps to show just how atrocious, frightening, and impactful 9/11 was for people around the world.

         That kind of catastrophe can't be dealt with lightly. I don't want to get into the ways we handled it as a nation, but I am going to say this. Now, ten years later, I understand a bit more. Just a bit. I have seen enough to know that we face problems as a nation and as a global community. It's stomach-churning to think about the horror that exists. Memories of September 2001 should be revisited, but they should be accompanied with hope for the future. If we keep our heads straight, we'll fare well.



The News - Jack Johnson 

Without a sense

We learn at an early age that we each have 5 senses. Sight, sound, taste, touch and smell. We use these to sense danger, if we smell smoke or hear a siren. Our sense heighten pleasure, so much so that the smell of warm baked cookies can link you to your mom's kitchen, or the taste of cotton candy can bring images to mind of your first carnival. What would a hug mean if you couldn't feel the person's arms wrapped around yours? What importance would music have in religion, culture and history, if not for our ability to sense sound with our ears?

In addition to those, we often discuss a sixth sense. (And no, I'm not thinking about the Bruce Willis movie.) That feeling of deja vu, or the crawling feeling you get when you know someone's watching you, those are senses too. These internal senses help evoke emotion, stir longings, grapple with memory. They can't be tested as easily as sight or hearing, but for most people, this sixth sense can be, well, sensed. With out, we'd all be grossly out of tune with one another. This humanistic sense connects us, makes us wired in a strange, intangible way.

But the list of definitions for sense continue. The dictionary includes entries such as: sound, practical intelligence--the value, merit, or significance of something--a DNA sequence capable of coding for an amino acid--an opinion formed by a group consensus. In a properly functioning society, leaders have a good sense of what's going on. They also are able to sense change arriving; they provide a sense of security for their followers. Followers too utilize their own senses when listening to broadcasts and empathizing with situations. In order to seek progress, individuals must provide a moral sense in their lives. To keep things light, we must develop a sense of humor. We must realize that there's little sense in holding on to the past, when the future lies so close to our eyes.


Sometimes, we lose our senses. Flustering situations, panic, laughter, change, can all alter our perception of the life we have built for ourselves. That's perfectly OK. Some moments in our lives, sense shouldn't take the reigns. Death, for instance, make perfect sense. Life happens, and it ends. Biological, right? So why do we cry and mourn for our loved ones when they pass? It's illogical if you think it through, and yet our emotions take over, and sense gets put in the back seat. A lot of decisions made in Washington make sense for the greater good, and yet they result in arguments and anger among different political parties. In forming our own opinions, we essentially give up any hope of finding common ground, a set of simple, sensible rules to live by. When we follow our own desires, we forfeit the right to say 'this makes sense.' Sense, in this sense, refers to personal perception, not straight knowledge. That's perfectly OK too. 

A man who hopes to get close to others, to make connections stronger than political, social, or business allies, must overstep the boundaries of what makes sense to himself, and accept that things can be right without being logical. Life isn't a puzzle. It's not a race to see who can build the most impressive picture. It's about indulging in delicacies on occasion, living out our dreams, and speaking up, even if our sentences make no sense.  In the long run, comprehension can't compare with our internally developed six senses. Those primitive aspects did, after all, came first. 

And now that you've read all that, 

listen to this completely nonsensical song by the Barenaked Ladies (a nonsense name if I ever saw one.) I may or may not (I do) know all the words to this song.

We're not so different afterall

        We may be extremely advanced here in America. Our currency (though its weight not so heavy) may be the universal exchange currency. We may have opened our arms to immigrants in the past, allowing our lands to be a melting pot of culture and prosperity.

        We may be fighting wars in the middle east right now, in some vague attempt to stick up for what's right. We put down Muslim nations for treating their women poorly. We react with disgust and outrage at stories like the one of Sorya M., about whose stoning both a book and movie have been written. We're too blinded by the red-white-and blue banners, and luxurious freedoms in America, to ever think that situations just as pitiful as those in the middle east could occur on North American ground.

But they do.

        I just read this article about a young girl in Missouri, a special ed kid nonetheless, who was kicked out of school for accusing a boy of rape. She was forced to apologize to his face for her "finger-pointing." A few years later, the former incident recurred. She was afraid to speak up and say something, afraid of being dismissed from school again. After investigation, police found that she had been assaulted sexually by the same boy, twice. And as far as I can tell, no one is taking the blame for this scenario.

        Now this doesn't just happen to girls and women. Just over a decade ago, Matthew Shepard was tortured and murdered in Wyoming because of his sexual orientation. Two years ago, Dr. George Tiller was shot down in his church, because he refused to stop performing abortions.

The list goes on, I'm afraid.

        This post isn't meant to be cynical. I don't intend to step on the integrity of America in any way. I merely want to recognize the fact that culture doesn't define behavior, as much as human tendency does. I don't know why we're so mean or cruel to one another, but I know that as a global society, we let these injustices slide. Genocides happen. Murders, homicides, theft, and assault happen.

        I'm not sure how we can squash these problems. I guess one start would be sympathizing with the victim, hearing their side. This could have prevented the Missouri case, and the Sorya's case as well. We preach freedom of speech, and so we must ensure that everyone has an equal opportunity to exercise his or her voice. The other option, I guess, would be a world-wide law...just be nice. That would do the trick. Now just how to go about enforcing it....

Variety Hour

It's been a whirlwind recently. Between work, college apps, eating lunch, work, accidentally hitting birds with my car, trying to figure out my gluten allergy, work, and shopping at the mall, I haven't had too much time to post. But here are some cool things worth viewing. 

TED.com is one of my favorite sites. I could spend a whole day being mindblown

Car for blind people?! I thought it was crazy too. Watch this short clip & see for yourself!

Fact of the day:

Ofcom (a media regulating company) says one in three adults and 60% of teenagers classify themselves as highly addicted to their smartphones such as iPhones, Blackberrys and Androids. 

That's absolutely sick if you ask me. When a person can't get through a meal without checking his or her Blackberry, something's wrong. Smartphones are the new cocaine. It's time to crack down and get our population snapped back into reality. 

Joshua Foer on the 99% (a new favorite website, similar to TED).

Until we meet again, 
-TB

Saturday Songs

Enjoy the following from Belle & Sebastian, one of my favorite bands. They're quirky, funny and make for a good, entertaining listen. And they have great accents.

 

Dear Catastrophe Waitress - An appropriate pick for today. Didn't have my best balance working the lunch shift today. I dropped a whole basket of bread, and several knives. Whoops. 

 

Funny Little Frog - Listen and you will soon realize the appeal. It's uplifting, while at the same time bizarre when you really think about the lyrics. House to myself tonight, so my conversations are likely to be "a little one-sided, but that's all right."

Other favorite B & S songs; 

Expectations

Blues Are Still Blue

For the Price of a Cup of Tea

Piazza, New York Catcher

Similar artists include Vampire Weekend, the Shins, Stars & Regina Spektor

(bird)Brain Washed

        I'm sitting on my patio right now watching this mother bird feed her chick and thinking how nice animals have it; they don't have to deal with the societal dramas that we face in the human race.


        I just finished watching this documentary called Independent Intervention on Netflix, which aimed to reveal the deep rooted presence of the media in global culture. News media are supposed to deliver accurate, unbiased descriptions to citizens worldwide. But they are a corporation. 80% of the media are now controlled by 5 major companies, a significant drop from 1983, when 50 companies owned media stations. What does this mean? It means that we're being brainwashed. Not for our own good, and not for the good of our government. It's all about cash-flow, shocking the viewer, and keeping people tuned in so that stations receive high ratings---adequate vantage points be damned.

        In Iraq, journalists can join up with the military so that they can see events close up, but they must first sign a contract and become 'embedded.' This agreement limits what they can see and what they can say, thus limiting what we see and hear. Unembedded journalists struggle in the trenches; many are harmed or killed overseas because the government and military don't go the extra mile to ensure their safety. But these are the men and women we want to survive- these are the people who are willing to show us the heartwrenching realities of war (shown in the movie I just watched).

        As voters, as global citizens, and as people, we need to be exposed to truthful stories of war, of the economy, of oil drilling, of natural disasters. We need to be exposed to images taken by independent media groups, not ones from CNN, MSNBC or any corporation driven station. We need to support journalists, papers and websites that support real, information that has not been sanitized to please the pockets of those who pay for airtime on the nightly news.